It's been a month since he throw me away..
I shouldn't be mourning but here I'm.. And I just.. Don't know till when..
I should've HATE him. But.. What I do is exactly the opposite of it.
I know deep down in my heart, this is all my fault. I shouldn't fall with the players but I did. Cause I thought he was different, no longer the same person as I thought he was.
BUT I GUESS I WAS WRONG
It's always me. Who has love for the first time and only me. I wanted to settle down and stop playing around because I felt I already found the one that I've always dream for my whole life..
I gave him all of me, all of my heart.
And after what he did to me I try to deny it but it's always like everything around me always remind me of him, like everything I do is always going back to him. Even everytime I tried to close my eyes.
I truely don't know the love that I have can be this big that I ever imagine.
Am I crazy? Yes I'AM. Now he already gone and get what he want and left me. Made me feel like a wreck ship. Abandon me like a shink ship in the middle of the ocean.
And now I just hate myself so much.
But everytime I have a conversation to my creator it's always him that I talk about. How much I love him like infinity and everything would never be enough. But I know.. If I love him I needed to let him go and let him happy, cause it seems like he's happy without me. I know he deserves someone who better than me ( which is one of the reason that make me strong even a bit ). While I'm here STILL try to crawling after the broken heart that I had.
I really do hope he'll always get the best of everything. Cause finally I know the meaning of "love doesn't have to have each other". But I will always love him from the bad and the good things that he has.
I do believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe we're only fated to do the things that we would choose anyway. I love him with every single breath that I have, every single time, and everytime when a clock is ticking I know I will always love him and I choose him, in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred different worlds, in any version of reality, I'do love you and I'do choose you.
